Oddly enough, the move “Marley and Me” was what made me have the epiphany I needed to clarify my journey. If you have seen the movie, you may remember the part when Jennifer Aniston’s character says to Owen Wilson’s character regarding having their first child, “No one ever tells you how hard this is going to be or how much of yourself you are going to have to give up.” Now, please note, this is not an exact quote, but it was something to that effect. That was the moment I realized what I am doing.

I remember a few months after my oldest son was born I had a very similar breakdown with my husband. People really don’t tell you, and if they do, we don’t listen very well. I said to my husband, “I feel like I have had to give up so much, my body (because we all know it will never be the same), my life, etc…” That transition from being centered on myself to being centered on someone else was difficult for me. I had never really been one to like children. I never babysat as a teenager. Honestly, I was not a huge fan of being around children until I was interested in having my own.

Luckily, my maternal instincts kicked into high gear as soon as I conceived my first child and even more so once he arrived. I was okay with giving everything up for him, but I had to grieve the loss of my life as Kristi. Because, again, we all know it will never be the same. Yes, I feel it is better and so much more full than it ever would have been without my boys, but different.

Over the last seven and a half years I have been falling into another trap that mother’s frequently fall into. I have been so busy with my boys, I have pretty much given up my life for them. Kristi has disappeared somewhere. My life revolves around my boys. So much so, Kristi ceased to exist. I was now, Derek, Nathan or Shawn’s Mom, Matt’s wife, Jim & Angela’s daughter, Ian’s sister, anything but Kristi.

Why do you think so many empty nesters have such a hard time adjusting to their children moving out? We are supposed to raise our children to be independent and eventually, set them free. It makes sense for us to allow ourselves to keep a piece of ourselves alive too.

So, that is the journey I am on. I am rediscovering Kristi. And, most importantly, I am giving myself permission for it to be okay. So many mom’s out there feel like if they have their own identity, they are being selfish. They are not! Yes, my life revolves around my boys. However, it is okay for me to step out of that whirlwind to take time to rediscover me.

The good news is I know I am doing what is best for me and my family and really…that is all that matters.