Does being a people pleaser really help anybody out? Maybe… But, more than likely, not the right people. Let me explain a little more…

A couple of weeks ago I went Las Vegas with a dear friend of mine for the Ali Brown Shine conference. I have to admit, it was a roller coaster weekend for me. The range of emotions I felt were difficult to say the least. And, while I walked away with a lot of great information and inspiration, I also had a life altering realization.

I am a people pleaser.

I would have never thought there was anything bad about it. However, when you have three children and a husband, you can get depleted very quickly. I have spent my life being a mother hen. All of my friends know me, I am the one that takes care of everyone. I am the one that gives up something so someone else can have it. I am the first person to volunteer my time…for anything, even if I really don’t have it. I am the one running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off because I am running around making everyone else happy.

I have three beautiful little boys that deserve the absolute best mommy possible. I have the most amazing husband in the world that deserves the best wife possible. I have some of the greatest friends I could possibly ask for that deserve a great friend in return. I have some of the greatest clients that deserve the best CPA I can give them. How can I make them all happy at once?

Stop putting everyone above myself!

When I came back from Shine I made some major changes in my life. I started with having a conversation with my husband about my core values and how I was going to rearrange my life around them and what steps I was going to take. Then, I spoke with each of my boys about the changes mommy was going to be making and how they could support me in that. Then, I got down to business when it came to my business. I changed my office hours and created a schedule for me to follow so I was not so easily drawn off course. Lastly, I started to shave away all the things that did not fit in perfectly with those core values. That way, my valuable time could be spent on things that will fill my cup. So, once it is overflowing again, I can start serving from my saucer instead.

Are you a people pleaser too?

What drives you every day? What makes you get out of bed? What makes you smile through the tears?

As parents, it is normal for us to say our children or our spouse and I completely agree with you. Those are definitely the top two (four technically) on my list.

However, I really want you to go deeper this time, and one step further. Why do your children or spouse inspire you? And, I don’t want the cliché answer. I want you to think about specific examples. MORE

I have heard that if you want to be rich, you have to be committed to it unreservedly.  Okay, I guess I get it.  I think everyone wants to be rich, right?  It is probably the level of commitment that separates the rich from…well, everyone else.  I have spent the last several years trying so hard to get to that place.  I have told myself I am committed…yada, yada, yada.  Yet, I keep feeling like the harder I try, the further away I get from “it”.  What was I doing wrong? 

That is why these last couple of weeks has been such an experience for me.  I think I finally get it!!  Yes, I want to be rich, who doesn’t?  But it is not about that.  I was committing myself to the wrong thing if I wanted to be rich.  It is not about the money.  Okay, the money is an enormous bonus.  But, I need to make a priority list when it comes to commitment.  If I want to be rich in the truest sense of the word, I need this to be my priority list:

1. Me! – I need to be number one.  As a mother of three young boys, this is very difficult to admit.  Moms understand we tend to put everyone else in front of us.  Then, if there is anything left over, we might use it on ourselves.  Admit it…more than likely we will find someone else to use it on though. 
2. My husband – Over 10 years ago I swore before God and all of my family and friends that I would love this man in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, etc.  Here I am several years later, not taking care of myself or him.  He always seemed to be second to last on my list (I was last if you were wondering).  God bless him, he still loves me and takes care of me as if I am the only person in his world.  I now need to return the favor.
3. My boys – I have to admit, they might have moved down a couple of notches.  But, before you throw me under the bus, follow me.  I have always put them above me or my husband.  But, then there was not much of either of us to give to them.  Now, if my husband and I are taking care of ourselves first, there will be so much more to give to them.  So, they really do win!
4. My extended family & friends – Without them, I don’t know where I would be today.  I have family and friends that have supported me and loved me throughout my whole life.  I also have friends that don’t have as many years under their belt, but they have sure made up for it in lifting me as they climb the mountain with me.  To all of my girlfriends out there…you know who you are!
5. My clients – I have to admit, I have some of the best clients in the world.  Many of them have come to me knowing the enormous commitment I have for my family.  They understand why my office hours are what they are and they support it.  They don’t mind getting a call the morning of their appointment to reschedule because I have a sick child.  They understand the value I bring to every hour of mine they pay for. 

I am sure there is more I am missing, but you get the point.  I am so thankful for all that I have and all those people in my life.  From this day forth, I promise I am committed to you in the order noted above.  With that said, I am now the richest woman in the world.

This could potentially save your child’s life, but it will also give you peace of mind knowing they are safe around water.  Here in the Sacramento Valley it averages in the mid-90’s during July and August.  There are lakes, rivers and swimming pools everywhere. 

I have found many parents do not know which direction to go when it comes to swim lessons.  Make sure you research your options.  I have done both the city swim lessons and the private.  Private works better for my children, but I have run into the problem of the swim instructors being a little flakey.  If you know a good private swim instructor, share that information with your friends, it is very valuable information.

Private lessons work better for some children, but they tend to be pricey.  I have found they average $1 per minute.  For a 30 minute session with one child, it is $30.  Check out what your city or town has to offer.  Here in Roseville, you can get nine 30 minute group sessions for around $50.

Have you ever thought about how your childhood has affected you financially as an adult?  When it comes to your finances, there is an enormous connection.  One issue that I am starting to see in children nowadays is a sense of entitlement.  It makes sense, especially if you read my article yesterday.  Over the last few years, we have turned in that direction.  However, with this recession, one of the silver linings is that we are starting to make a shift away from that.  We are starting to be thankful for what we do have and realizing that material possessions do not define who we are. 

Every generation wants their children to have more than they did.  As the mother of three boys, I respect that.  Who would not want their children to have more than they did?  However, you have to be careful what you are teaching your children.  If you find you have a habit of spending more than you should and buying yourself, or your family, things you really can’t afford, ask yourself a couple of questions:

• Do you feel entitled?
• Did your parents buy you everything you ever wanted?
• Did you get an allowance and have to budget?
• If so, was it enough for you to buy what you really wanted?
• Did you sometimes feel that your parents gave you money instead of love?
• Were the things your parents bought you out of guilt for not spending quality time with you?
• Are you passing this on to your children now?
• Are you buying your children everything they want because you are going through a divorce?

If you can take the time to reflect on your childhood, you may be able stop the pattern now.  You want to be careful about what you are passing on to your children.  Some of the things you want to pass on to your children are:

• Give them an allowance; let them learn how to budget money.
• Let them make some bad decisions with their money, you would rather them learn this now than when they are in college, or later.
• Discuss their purchases with them; make sure they know they can talk to you about money.  Keep an open dialogue.
• Don’t buy them everything they want, they need to learn about wants versus needs.
• If they want something real bad, teach them to save up their allowance for it.  This will teach them the value of money and patience.
• Immediate gratification can be very bad when they are young, but even worse when they reach their teens and early adult years.  This is how they get themselves into credit card debt.

Communication is key.  Keeping an open dialogue sets the stage for your kids.  You want them to know they can always come to you and talk about money.  Get them involved with the family budget when they get a little older.  You do not want money to be this big mysterious beast.  Shine the light on it!  Your children will thank you later…

If you have any questions about how your childhood is linked to your financial health now, check out the products page on my web site.  You can download my free personal finance assessments and get your questions answered.