Does being a people pleaser really help anybody out? Maybe… But, more than likely, not the right people. Let me explain a little more…

A couple of weeks ago I went Las Vegas with a dear friend of mine for the Ali Brown Shine conference. I have to admit, it was a roller coaster weekend for me. The range of emotions I felt were difficult to say the least. And, while I walked away with a lot of great information and inspiration, I also had a life altering realization.

I am a people pleaser.

I would have never thought there was anything bad about it. However, when you have three children and a husband, you can get depleted very quickly. I have spent my life being a mother hen. All of my friends know me, I am the one that takes care of everyone. I am the one that gives up something so someone else can have it. I am the first person to volunteer my time…for anything, even if I really don’t have it. I am the one running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off because I am running around making everyone else happy.

I have three beautiful little boys that deserve the absolute best mommy possible. I have the most amazing husband in the world that deserves the best wife possible. I have some of the greatest friends I could possibly ask for that deserve a great friend in return. I have some of the greatest clients that deserve the best CPA I can give them. How can I make them all happy at once?

Stop putting everyone above myself!

When I came back from Shine I made some major changes in my life. I started with having a conversation with my husband about my core values and how I was going to rearrange my life around them and what steps I was going to take. Then, I spoke with each of my boys about the changes mommy was going to be making and how they could support me in that. Then, I got down to business when it came to my business. I changed my office hours and created a schedule for me to follow so I was not so easily drawn off course. Lastly, I started to shave away all the things that did not fit in perfectly with those core values. That way, my valuable time could be spent on things that will fill my cup. So, once it is overflowing again, I can start serving from my saucer instead.

Are you a people pleaser too?

While I was at the eWomenNetwork “Think Big” Business Summit in Roseville, California on Tuesday, I received a wealth of information from the speakers. They were wonderful and had a lot of fantastic information to share.

The problem that I find I run into when I go to events like this is that I get completely overwhelmed. I figure I cannot be alone in this feeling. I have to admit, I get a little frustrated too. Is it bad that I am admitting that? I get frustrated because sometimes the presenters almost make “it” look easy, when we all know “it” is not.

What is “it”? Success…

I don’t know about you, but I have been busting my butt for the last fifteen years. And while, yes, relatively speaking I have done very well for myself, it has been a very long and hard road. Not only that, I find I always want more. And, being the overachiever that I am, I want it now (and I think we would all like it to be easy).

My latest shift began just over a year ago. I was doing very well with my tax practice. However, I wanted more. I really wanted to change people’s lives. Although taxes are “fun” and all, I really do not feel like I am “changing people’s lives”.

So, I have decided to add different lines of service that I feel can really make a change. But, it seems like I keep running into obstacles everywhere I go with these new ventures. Everywhere I turn, someone or something seems to knock me on my proverbial butt.

So, what is the difference between success and failure? I really hate to be cliché, but…NEVER GIVE UP!!!!! Trust me, there are times I feel like the whole world is against me. Sometimes I feel like there are things out of this world that are against me. I feel like someone or something is constantly giving me gut checks when it comes to my life and my business. But, you know what? I consider myself a huge success. Do you want to know why? Because no matter how hard I get hit, I shake my head, stand up, dust myself off and keep on keeping on.

As my mother used to say when I was a child, “Watch out world, Kristi is coming through!” Well, now I am saying it…loud and clear. When I look into the eyes of my husband, my children, my parents, my employee, and especially when I look into the mirror I know how much they are relying on me to pick myself up and keep going. That is what gives me the strength I need.

So, why am I sharing this with you? Because I am not alone. And while some people may not want to share their struggles, I know I am not the only one. People need to know there are more people out there in the same boat.

Go look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are a huge success because you have and never will give up. You already are a huge success!

‘Tis the season for us to over-commit ourselves. Between work, kids, helping out in classes, back to school nights, Parent teacher clubs, field trips, practices and games, my goodness is it any wonder we can even see straight?!

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I could curl up and go to sleep just thinking about all of that. I know exactly how you all feel I do it to myself all the time. Over-committing is an enormous problem in our society. I am here to share with you how it can be hurting you financially.

If this all sounds so familiar to you, please read the rest of this article carefully. When you over-commit yourself at:

• Work – If you are constantly saying yes to anything that comes across your desk, the important stuff may not get the attention it deserves. It may end up costing you a raise or a promotion because you are not able to give your best to the items that need it. Solution: Learn to say “no” when it is appropriate and delegate when you can. You will be amazed at how much more effective you are.
• Running your own business – I am notorious for wanting to help just about everyone out, sometimes even to my own detriment. If you run your own business and you say yes to any potential client that comes through your door, you could be pulling your hair out trying to please the wrong people. Solution: Through the last five years I have been running my business, I have learned when to listen to my heart and advise potential clients up front when I don’t think we will be a good fit. I then kindly refer them on to other professionals that they may have a better fit with. This way, you open more space for those that are a better fit, you are happier, they are happier. Truly a win-win all around.
• Family – This encompasses anything to do with kids, spouse, parents, grandparents, etc. If you have the time and energy to help coach your child’s sports team, by all means do it. However, if you are already overwhelmed with everything you have on your plate…solution: it is okay to say “no”. I promise, your child will understand…someday. I know you want to be there for them and support them, but sometimes you have to find other ways. Just being at their games means the world to them. It is better for them to have you there and happy, then coaching and stressed out.
• School – This is along the same lines as family. Watch your stress level, if you start to get stressed out trying to fit it all in. Solution: Talk to your kids and teachers to see what you can do to make it all work without you ending up pulling your hair out.

All of this can end up costing you money just by the level of stress you have. If you are at work freaking out about how you are going to get to practice in time to coach or have to keep taking time off of work to help out in the classroom and your boss is getting upset, that can be very bad for you and your family financially.

Take some time to go through all you have committed yourself to and prioritize. Once you start to feel overwhelmed, start notifying the affected parties it is not going work for you.

Trust me, your family and coworkers will thank you for it.

How do you feel when you pay the bills?  Are you excited at the prospect of checking off some items on your to do list?  Are you subconsciously thanking your creditors for allowing you the opportunity to use their money for the month?  Or, are you completely overwhelmed with the task?  Do you procrastinate until you can procrastinate no more?  Are you overwhelmed and exhausted by the time the process is over? 

If you are miserable when you pay your bills, my guess is, your money is managing you.  You will not have financial freedom as long as that is the case.  I remember when I would pay my bills and I felt like a bird taking a bath.  There was money and paper flying everywhere, not sure where it was going, but it sure was not staying in my bank account.  Since then, I have put in some steps that take that feeling away.  They are:

• Have a specific place you pay the bills
• Make sure you have all the items you will need to take care of everything in one sitting -  If you have to get up to get something, chances are you will find another project to take your attention and the bills will not get paid. 
• Clear the space - You do not want it messy, that just adds to the confusion. 
• Select a day and time each week to pay your bills – If you put it on your calendar, you are more likely to keep the time carved out for that particular task.  If you try to squeeze it in somewhere else, it is much less likely to happen.
• Create a checklist – This way, you make sure you take care of all the things you need to do at one time.  Things like paying bills is obvious.  However, something you might forget to do is transfer money to savings or donate to your favorite charity. 

Hopefully some of these tips can help you create serenity while paying your bills.  I know that sounds like a dream, but you hold the key to making it a reality.