A couple of weeks ago I was lucky enough to be able to attend Ali Brown’s Shine conference at the Venetian/Palazzo hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada. What a great time! While the weekend itself had me feeling an enormous roller coaster of emotions, they were all very real and important feelings. I took time on Saturday evening after the conference was over to work through some of them with my dear friend that I went with. Here are some of the nuggets of information I was able to pull together.

• Do a core value check – So often we get caught up doing what we are technically good at, we don’t take the time to see if it is in line with what we truly hold near and dear to our hearts.
• Be honest with yourself about what your core values are - It’s okay…some things that you may feel obligated to be on there, may not really be part of your core values.
• Limit yourself to your top 5 core values – Start with 10 and narrow down to your top 5. See how you feel once you have them out there.
• Build your life and your career around those values – If you are feeling totally out of balance, this may be your problem. If you are not holding true to your core values, start to take steps to move your life in that direction. It is amazing the difference you will feel.

There was so much more than that, but those are the heart of the experience. Now, based on that, this is how I have decided to change my life since I returned.

• Focus on me and my business – While I always thought I was taking my business seriously, the Universe certainly did not think so. Hence, I have changed my office hours to reflect how serious I am.
• Make my business my top priority – I will do this by stopping the distractions, prioritizing tasks and focusing my time accordingly. I also had a very serious heart to heart with my husband and each of my boys individually letting them know what is going on and how things would be changing.
• Step up and do what it takes, even if (especially if) it makes me uncomfortable
• Talk to my husband about “mommy guilt” - I know that may seem strange, but as a mom, I have to deal with it. But in order for me to be able to take care of my children the way I want to, I have to put my business at the top of my priority list right now.
• Feed my soul – This is an enormous work in progress for me. I have finally broken down and admitted I just do not know how to do it. I will keep you posted on what I discover.

There are many more steps, but I think you get the idea. Once you build your core values, you too can take the steps necessary to change your life.

Does being a people pleaser really help anybody out? Maybe… But, more than likely, not the right people. Let me explain a little more…

A couple of weeks ago I went Las Vegas with a dear friend of mine for the Ali Brown Shine conference. I have to admit, it was a roller coaster weekend for me. The range of emotions I felt were difficult to say the least. And, while I walked away with a lot of great information and inspiration, I also had a life altering realization.

I am a people pleaser.

I would have never thought there was anything bad about it. However, when you have three children and a husband, you can get depleted very quickly. I have spent my life being a mother hen. All of my friends know me, I am the one that takes care of everyone. I am the one that gives up something so someone else can have it. I am the first person to volunteer my time…for anything, even if I really don’t have it. I am the one running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off because I am running around making everyone else happy.

I have three beautiful little boys that deserve the absolute best mommy possible. I have the most amazing husband in the world that deserves the best wife possible. I have some of the greatest friends I could possibly ask for that deserve a great friend in return. I have some of the greatest clients that deserve the best CPA I can give them. How can I make them all happy at once?

Stop putting everyone above myself!

When I came back from Shine I made some major changes in my life. I started with having a conversation with my husband about my core values and how I was going to rearrange my life around them and what steps I was going to take. Then, I spoke with each of my boys about the changes mommy was going to be making and how they could support me in that. Then, I got down to business when it came to my business. I changed my office hours and created a schedule for me to follow so I was not so easily drawn off course. Lastly, I started to shave away all the things that did not fit in perfectly with those core values. That way, my valuable time could be spent on things that will fill my cup. So, once it is overflowing again, I can start serving from my saucer instead.

Are you a people pleaser too?

I am one of those “lucky” people that can suffer from a severe bout of insomnia now and again. Now, I don’t know about you, but, I have done everything in my power to follow all the sleep rules. Comfy bed, dim lights, no television while in bed, etc. And anyone who has ever suffered from insomnia will tell you absolutely none of that does a thing if your brain does not feel like shutting down at that time. As I am writing this, it is just after midnight. I went to bed hours ago and cannot seem to shut down enough to sleep.

Something that I have realized with this latest bout of insomnia is that (at least for me) I feel it might be a sign of major shifts happening in my life. When I stop and think about the other times I have had insomnia, it certainly fits that pattern. MORE

I know that may seem like a silly question, however, I remember a time when I was living like a robot. I would get up every morning, take my shower, drive to work, work all day, drive home, blah, blah, blah. Not so coincidentally, I would also get the Sunday night dreads at that time. Do you know what those are? You know, when Sunday evening rolls around you get that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. You almost cannot bear the thought of working another week where you are at.

I am here to tell you that is no way to live! Ask yourself these questions: Is it really worth

• The money?
• The health benefits?
• The retirement?
• Your health?
• Your relationships?
• Your family?

So many people go through life living like a robot because they hate what they are doing. They stay there because of:

• The economy.
• I can’t get a better job.
• Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t.
• The pay is good.
• The benefits are good.
• We just can’t afford a change right now.

But let me ask you this: Is this really how you want to live your life? Is it really worth sacrificing your happiness for money?

Maybe you need to make some modifications to your life. Think about sitting down with your spouse and seeing what changes can be made so you can be happy again. If you are unhappy, it affects more than just you. Who knows, maybe you can make a couple of adjustments to the budget and you can find a new line of work where you may make less money, but you will be happy. It is more important to be happy and conscious in your life, than to have a bunch of money and toys. This may be a harder choice, but if it makes you happy, isn’t it all worth it?

Remember, it is not always about the money! Your happiness is priceless…

I have heard that if you want to be rich, you have to be committed to it unreservedly.  Okay, I guess I get it.  I think everyone wants to be rich, right?  It is probably the level of commitment that separates the rich from…well, everyone else.  I have spent the last several years trying so hard to get to that place.  I have told myself I am committed…yada, yada, yada.  Yet, I keep feeling like the harder I try, the further away I get from “it”.  What was I doing wrong? 

That is why these last couple of weeks has been such an experience for me.  I think I finally get it!!  Yes, I want to be rich, who doesn’t?  But it is not about that.  I was committing myself to the wrong thing if I wanted to be rich.  It is not about the money.  Okay, the money is an enormous bonus.  But, I need to make a priority list when it comes to commitment.  If I want to be rich in the truest sense of the word, I need this to be my priority list:

1. Me! – I need to be number one.  As a mother of three young boys, this is very difficult to admit.  Moms understand we tend to put everyone else in front of us.  Then, if there is anything left over, we might use it on ourselves.  Admit it…more than likely we will find someone else to use it on though. 
2. My husband – Over 10 years ago I swore before God and all of my family and friends that I would love this man in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, etc.  Here I am several years later, not taking care of myself or him.  He always seemed to be second to last on my list (I was last if you were wondering).  God bless him, he still loves me and takes care of me as if I am the only person in his world.  I now need to return the favor.
3. My boys – I have to admit, they might have moved down a couple of notches.  But, before you throw me under the bus, follow me.  I have always put them above me or my husband.  But, then there was not much of either of us to give to them.  Now, if my husband and I are taking care of ourselves first, there will be so much more to give to them.  So, they really do win!
4. My extended family & friends – Without them, I don’t know where I would be today.  I have family and friends that have supported me and loved me throughout my whole life.  I also have friends that don’t have as many years under their belt, but they have sure made up for it in lifting me as they climb the mountain with me.  To all of my girlfriends out there…you know who you are!
5. My clients – I have to admit, I have some of the best clients in the world.  Many of them have come to me knowing the enormous commitment I have for my family.  They understand why my office hours are what they are and they support it.  They don’t mind getting a call the morning of their appointment to reschedule because I have a sick child.  They understand the value I bring to every hour of mine they pay for. 

I am sure there is more I am missing, but you get the point.  I am so thankful for all that I have and all those people in my life.  From this day forth, I promise I am committed to you in the order noted above.  With that said, I am now the richest woman in the world.

Do you ever find summer rolls around and your cash is gone?  Whether you have children or not, you will find that summer is just more expensive…period.  From little things like gasoline going up to bigger things like wanting to take a family vacation or the cost of putting your children in summer camp, it just costs more. 

Tip number three in my series is to: 

Establish a Separate Savings Account for Your Summer  – Rather than trying to scrounge up the money at the last minute, go to your bank and create a savings account just for your summer season.  You can earmark this money for anything summer related.  With online banking now, you can even change the name of the account to “Summer Savings”.  This will take some of the heat off you when many of your expenses have increased.  Take a percentage of your income every pay period and put it into that account.  You have to be consistent about it though.  If you establish the account and don’t put anything in there, it really isn’t going to do you any good, is it?  It doesn’t have to break the bank, start with just 1% of your take home pay.  You will be amazed at how your money grows throughout the year.

 Little steps like this can make an enormous difference and it is really not that hard to do.  Just think of all you will be able to do during the summer knowing you have it covered.

Have you ever noticed that things seem to cost more during the summer?  Not only that, but there are a lot more expenses.  Between extra daycare costs, summer camp, sports and vacations, you probably feel financially spent! 

Over the next couple of weeks I am going to outline ten steps to financial summer survival.  Today is step one:

Take a Vacation – I know that seems counterintuitive, because that takes money, right?  I am aware of the fact that it takes money.  However, I am one of the worst culprits when it comes to not taking a vacation.  I can always come up with some excuse as to why we cannot, usually related to the family budget.  See if you think my logic makes sense, if you take a vacation, you will be refreshed and relaxed…ready to take on the world when you come back.  You will be less likely to get sick or burned out.  So, now you are ready to conquer the universe.  With all that extra energy, you will perform better at work, impress your boss, maybe you will end up getting a promotion, which all leads to more money in the future.  I don’t know about you, but I like that way of thinking.  It is worth spending some money now to rejuvenate…it will pay for itself in the future.

So, take my advice and go on vacation, even if it is a little one.  Something is better than nothing.  Get creative; you don’t have to go to Hawaii to get away.  Check out hidden treasures in your own back yard.  Living in the Sacramento Valley, I have Lake Tahoe or San Francisco within two hours either way.  Not to mention the Napa Valley or any of the other beautiful vacation spots.  Check out your neck of the woods and see what you can find. 

The most important thing is that you relax.  Go!  Have some fun…

When you look at how you make money, did you ever look at it like you were just solving a problem?  Stop and think about it for a minute…what problem do you solve?  If you are a child care provider, people need somewhere for their kids to go while they are at work.  You just solved their problem!  If you are a dog walker, someone might need to pay to have you walk their dog while they are at work because they do not have the time.  You just solved their problem! 

If you are finding you are struggling with money, take a look at what problems you are solving.  Is it a problem you enjoy solving?  When you think about solving these problems do you get excited or do you get an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach?  Are there other problems you would prefer to solve?  Are you passionate about solving the problems you do solve, or do you just do it because they are there?    

There are a couple of things I can recommend if you would like to get paid more for your problem solving.

1. Solve problems you are passionate about.  Trust me I used to solve problems I really did not care about.  But, now I am extremely passionate about what I am doing.  The best part is, people can tell and they are naturally drawn in.  When you love what you do, everything else just seems to fall into place.
2. 2.    Solve bigger problems.  The bigger the problems you solve, the more money you will get paid.  If you are willing to take on the bigger tasks, you will be rewarded financially.  It just might put you first in line for that promotion you were hoping for or add a few percentage points to that raise you were up for. 
3. 3.    Solve more problems.  If you are the go to guy or gal for problem solving, you will soon build a reputation.  This reputation will end up in the right hands at the right time.  Whether you end up with more clients or bigger and more lucrative projects, the end result looks good.
4. 4.    Be selective about the problems you choose to take on.  Boundaries are very important.  Only take on the problems you want to take on.  You know who I am talking about, you do not want to be a yes man or woman to just anyone.  There are ways to be strategic about what you take on.  Do what feels right.  Do not let yourself get overwhelmed. 

If you have proper boundaries in place and you are passionate about the problems you solve, my guess is you are a very happy person.  Keeping a good balance is imperative. 

Take a look and see where you can make some changes, who knows what might come of it.

Does this seem like a strange question?  I used to think it was.  That is until I decided to really dig deep and see why my business was not doing as well as I wanted it to.  The good news is this doesn’t just apply to entrepreneurs, this can easily explain why you do not have the level of income you would like. 

Take a minute and reflect…How were you raised?  Did your parents teach you that it was not appropriate to ask for things?  That it is better to give than to receive?  Money is the root of all evil?  If that is the case, then, my guess is, you are probably not a very good receiver in many ways.

Don’t get me wrong, your parents had the absolute best of intentions.  They were at least partially right.  There are definitely times when it is not appropriate to ask for things.  However, when you own your own business, it is appropriate to ask for payment from a client.  If you are an employee, there are situations when it is okay to ask for a raise.  And, yes, it is generally better to give than it is to receive.  But, again, when you are trying to make a living, receiving is a necessity…why not be good at it? 

I remember when I started my practice a few years ago.  It was really awkward for me to ask my clients for payment.  I would go so far as letting them leave and then billing them later.  Unfortunately, not everyone is as honest as I am and I did not always receive payment.  (Don’t worry, I have gotten over that now).  As far as money being the root of all evil, it is the person behind the money that can create evil.  Look at people like Oprah or Bill Gates who give millions of dollars to charity every year.  I do not see evil there.

Sometimes it just takes a shift in your mindset with regard to money and attracting it.  Money is good!  Money is great!  Just because you desire more money does not mean you are greedy.  I would like to make a whole lot of money!  Not for the material things I can buy (although, that is an added bonus), but for the freedom I will have.  Not to mention the charities I plan on donating to.  How great will it be when I know I can help out a charity in need and don’t have to consult my checkbook first. 

Practice being a good receiver.  When someone gives you a compliment, just say thank you.  When you get a stellar review at work with a raise and promotion, just say thank you.  Remember, you deserve it.  You would not have received it if you did not.  When you land that fantastic client, just say thank you for giving you the opportunity to be of service to them.

If you really think about it, we spend our lives trying to get comfortable.  If we are too hot, we turn on the air conditioner.  If we are too cold, we turn up the heat or grab a blanket.  If we are hungry we eat.  Do you see a pattern here?  I think that is why, as adults, when we find ourselves in a comfortable situation, we tend to stay there.  It doesn’t matter if we are happy or if the situation is healthy, we stay because we are comfortable.  So, with that in mind, is comfort a good or bad thing?  The answer is it depends.

Comfort is definitely a good thing when it comes to temperature (especially while I sit in my air conditioned office).  However, when it comes to your relationships, your education and your career, comfort may not be the best thing for you.  Sometimes we stay in relationships that may not be good for us because it is comfortable.  Maybe we choose not to go back to school to get more education because we know that school is hard.  Do we really want to put ourselves through that again?  Are you staying in your current job because “better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t”? 

How is comfort holding you back?  Take a good hard look at your life.  Are you staying in a situation just because it is comfortable?  I challenge you to reach for your dreams.  Sometimes it takes stepping outside of your comfort zone to really discover who you are and what you are truly meant to do with your life.  Follow your intuition, learn the lessons you are meant to learn, most importantly, start today.