I believe it was September when I actually realized my mojo was missing. I was having dinner with some girlfriends and we started discussing it. I started thinking about myself back in high school and college. I just presented myself different. According to my husband, I walked with a strut (he later explained it to be that I walked with a purpose). In other words, I am going somewhere, move out of my way. I was never malicious or mean to anyone, that is just not my style. But, I knew what I was doing, where I was going and no one had better get in my way or I would let them know about it. It definitely got me in some hot water when I was younger, because insecure people would try to bring me down. But, I never wavered. My method of operation was to feel the sting, cry (just a little bit) and then get really ticked off. That was when I would turn into a bulldozer. It was like, “Oh, you don’t think I can do this? Well, let me show you how wrong you are!” I did it in college with difficult professors, I did it at the beginning of my career with difficult Seniors and Managers. I LOVED proving them wrong.

Then, I had my first son and I was thrown into a tailspin. Anyone that has ever had children knows the tailspin I am talking about. Suddenly, I don’t have complete control anymore, I can’t just “prove him wrong” to make myself feel better. Things weren’t nearly as cut and dry. Also, finances became much more complicated. Budgeting was more difficult, there was a lot more to think about. And, to top it all off, I had this little man completely depending on me. Wow, that will rock your world. Now, I don’t want to completely bore you with all the things that have beaten me down over the last eight years, but I am sure you understand. Life has taken my mojo away. It is still there, somewhere, it is just hiding from me.

I can see now, the consequences have been significant. I feel like I have become this totally wimpy victim. With that, comes blaming others for my situation. Whether it is dealing with the down economy or dealing with difficult clients. I haven’t had the same fire lit up under me. Well, that has all changed. Whenever I feel my shoulders slump, I immediately put them back. Every time I start to see that wimpy Kristi come back, I immediately think of that feisty girl I used to be. I am slowly, but surely, bringing her back. There is no longer a victim here. I own it! I know who I am and what I am here to do. Okay Universe, watch out, Kristi’s got her mojo back!