Some of you may already know that last week I was lucky enough to be one of the latest victims of the 2009 H1N1 Influenza Virus, aka the “Swine Flu”. If you have already had it, you know that you are knocked out for about a week. I am currently feeling much better, but still very drained of energy. I thought you might like to learn some of the lessons I learned while I was trying to survive.

1. First and foremost, daytime television sucks! Don’t get me wrong, I spent a good portion of my teen years and beyond enjoying daytime television. I remember right after I had each of my three children, daytime television was my saving grace. I was so tired, I could barely see straight, I had this little man attached to me 24/7 and my hormones were raging so much I didn’t even know which end was up. Not to mention the fact I was crying half the time…if not more. But, it has been a while since I have had some good “quality” time to watch daytime television. Definitely not for me anymore.
2. The news is really depressing. I spent my life from the time I was in college until I had my children being a news junky. Ever since I had Derek, I have been slowly weening myself off of the news, to the point where I almost never see it now. I have had people criticizing me for not “wanting to know what is going on in the world”. However, I counter with the fact that I do want to know, I just want to be selective with how I obtain the information. The news media is so distorted and negative. Their main purpose is to scare us to death.
3. The news really exaggerates. As mentioned above I am fairly certain I had the swine flu last week. How do I know this? Well, I did receive my flu shot a couple of months ago for the seasonal flu. My three boys and my mom have all received their swine flu vaccinations. I was not able to obtain one. None of them have caught it. Plus, the doctors say it is pretty much all that is out there right now. They have made it sound like you would die if you had the swine flu. Yes, it was miserable. Yes, I felt like I was going to die one day last week, but that is normal with the flu. Yes, it was unpleasant. However, the last time I had the flu, it was much, much worse. IT’S THE FLU!!!!! Did they really have to create this pandamonium about the flu?!
4. It really stinks having a birthday in December for more than one reason. Okay, yes, there are obvious reasons for not wanting your birthday in December. I have been able to relate to that my whole life with my birthday being December 17th. Let’s just say there is a reason my boys birthdays are all in May and June. I have had the flu three times in my life that I can remember (I am sure there are more as a child, but three is all I can recall). All three…yes, all three have been over my birthday. My sweet sixteen was ruined by the flu. My 20th birthday was ruined by the flu, not to mention the fact is was finals week in college, but that is another gripe. And, now so was my 34th birthday. Really flu?! REALLY!?!?!? Could you please try to find a better time next time…
5. And, finally, you are never too old to have a birthday do over. I was so bummed when I woke up on my birthday feeling the worst I had felt all week. My fever was over 102 for the whole day. I could barely get off the couch to go to the bathroom let alone anything else. My husband had arranged to take the day off of work and everything. But, alas, I sent him to work. No point in him coming down with the flu too. So, my 34th birthday will go down in the history books as me sitting on the couch watching horrible daytime television and getting depressed watching the news. Luckily, I was feeling well enough on Saturday to go out to dinner and a movie with my fabulous husband. Do overs are good!

Do not despair if you end up with the Swine Flu. Although unpleasant, it is just the flu. Yes, I know, some people may have complications, you just have to be vigilant and know your body. Make sure to take care of yourself so you can rebound faster.

As I have mentioned over and over in my posts, I am on a very spiritual journey right now, and I have been for over a year now. I know this sounds strange, but I didn’t really know what my journey was about until a couple of weeks ago. I just knew I was on one. Things have been shifting big time. I know that I am here to make the world a better place, but I have to start with myself first.

Oddly enough, the move “Marley and Me” was what made me have the epiphany I needed to clarify my journey. If you have seen the movie, you may remember the part when Jennifer Aniston’s character says to Owen Wilson’s character regarding having their first child, “No one ever tells you how hard this is going to be or how much of yourself you are going to have to give up.” Now, please note, this is not an exact quote, but it was something to that effect. That was the moment I realized what I am doing.

I remember a few months after my oldest son was born I had a very similar breakdown with my husband. People really don’t tell you, and if they do, we don’t listen very well. I said to my husband, “I feel like I have had to give up so much, my body (because we all know it will never be the same), my life, etc…” That transition from being centered on myself to being centered on someone else was difficult for me. I had never really been one to like children. I never babysat as a teenager. Honestly, I was not a huge fan of being around children until I was interested in having my own.

Luckily, my maternal instincts kicked into high gear as soon as I conceived my first child and even more so once he arrived. I was okay with giving everything up for him, but I had to grieve the loss of my life as Kristi. Because, again, we all know it will never be the same. Yes, I feel it is better and so much more full than it ever would have been without my boys, but different.

Over the last seven and a half years I have been falling into another trap that mother’s frequently fall into. I have been so busy with my boys, I have pretty much given up my life for them. Kristi has disappeared somewhere. My life revolves around my boys. So much so, Kristi ceased to exist. I was now, Derek, Nathan or Shawn’s Mom, Matt’s wife, Jim & Angela’s daughter, Ian’s sister, anything but Kristi.

Why do you think so many empty nesters have such a hard time adjusting to their children moving out? We are supposed to raise our children to be independent and eventually, set them free. It makes sense for us to allow ourselves to keep a piece of ourselves alive too.

So, that is the journey I am on. I am rediscovering Kristi. And, most importantly, I am giving myself permission for it to be okay. So many mom’s out there feel like if they have their own identity, they are being selfish. They are not! Yes, my life revolves around my boys. However, it is okay for me to step out of that whirlwind to take time to rediscover me.

The good news is I know I am doing what is best for me and my family and really…that is all that matters.