I am one of those “lucky” people that can suffer from a severe bout of insomnia now and again. Now, I don’t know about you, but, I have done everything in my power to follow all the sleep rules. Comfy bed, dim lights, no television while in bed, etc. And anyone who has ever suffered from insomnia will tell you absolutely none of that does a thing if your brain does not feel like shutting down at that time. As I am writing this, it is just after midnight. I went to bed hours ago and cannot seem to shut down enough to sleep.

Something that I have realized with this latest bout of insomnia is that (at least for me) I feel it might be a sign of major shifts happening in my life. When I stop and think about the other times I have had insomnia, it certainly fits that pattern. MORE

The other day I was explaining to my oldest son who plays youth football the implications of not doing well in school. I was pointing out to him that if he does not do well in school it affects his whole football team. This really confused him until I explained. If he does not do well in school, Dad and I will not allow him to go to football practice because school is always first. In tackle football, they will not allow you to play in a game if you have missed a practice during the week. If he cannot play in the game, it does not only affect him negatively, but now his whole team has to play without him. They are relying on him to come through on the field…and off. I will say his attitude changed almost immediately.

On the other hand, he also knows he is not alone. Anyone who has ever played football or known someone who has played football knows they tend to be a very tight knit group. When he is out on that field, every single one of those players and coaches has his back. With that kind of support, you feel like you can take anything down. I watched my 51 pound son this weekend bring down other players almost twice his size.

If my little guy can do that, imagine what you could tackle if you knew you had a team supporting you? I run into people that have debt they are hiding from their spouse, or feel like they should handle it alone, or they are ashamed to share it with others. For all of you that fall into any one of those categories, let me share some information with you:

• In most circumstances, you should not feel like you have to hide your debt from your spouse. (Unless of course you are in extenuating circumstances). However, if you are not, I hope you understand you chose this person to share your life with you. When you said your vows, you were committing yourself to them completely. Take that burden and share it with them, more than likely they will understand, hold your hand and walk side by side with you until you are debt free. Things are probably not nearly as bad as they seem when you have a partner.
• If one spouse pays the bills and the other is not aware of what is going on, start having a weekly meeting of the minds. It is not uncommon to find out the spouse paying the bills is overwhelmed and the one who is not aware is feeling left out in the cold. Communicate! I have always known in my heart that “together” my husband and I can handle anything…hopefully you do to.
• If you feel ashamed, please don’t. Reach out! There are people out there that can help you. If you cannot afford to pay someone, reach out to a trusted friend or relative. Talk to them about being an accountability partner. Sometimes it is just a little support that we need.

You know the situation you are in. You know what solution(s) will work best for you. Reach out and ask for help, you will be amazed at what can transpire when you ask for it.

When I was growing up, the thought of tooting your own horn had a negative connotation. People that did that were “full of themselves”, all they wanted to do was talk about themselves. However, I have been very open about the shifts I have been making personally. I also do not feel like I am alone. It seems as though the whole world is going through some major shifts due to many reasons both personally and globally.

One of the major shifts I have had is understanding that self promotion is not a bad thing. In fact, not only is it a good thing, but it is necessary to survive in climates like we are living in today. Now, no one likes someone that talks about themselves all the time, that just gets annoying. But if someone asks me what I do for a living, I am very proud to share what I do. If I happen to overhear someone talking about a problem I know I can help them with, I have no problem giving them my card and letting them know I can help if they would like it.

I am very open about the fact that I am not pushy, but I feel it is important for people to know what I do. Wouldn’t you rather do business with someone you know than someone you don’t?

Very similar for those of you who have a job, do not be bashful about sharing with your boss your accomplishments. You have worked very hard and your boss may not know all that you have done if you do not share it with them. Again, I have to caution about being obnoxious, but you will know the line not to cross.

It is okay to toot your own horn if you do it in the right way at the right time. You know how hard you have worked, you know how good you are at what you do, why shouldn’t the rest of the world? You are giving them the gift of knowledge. Own it!

Choices…One of the things that distinguishes us as humans is the fact that we are able to make choices. Have you ever noticed when you make the harder choice…eventually there is a great payoff? Like in poker, the more risk you take, the higher the payout? Now, I am not telling you all to start gambling, so, put those poker chips away. I am talking about life decisions. 

Did you know that money is the number one cause for divorce!? I read that the other day and was shocked, but oddly not surprised. Some people say that money is the root of all evil and I counter with “only if you let it be”. In these times of financial crisis, it is important to pull together when it comes to money. Here are some practical steps to help you do that.

Set up a time to discuss finances with your spouse. The last time you want to discuss finances is when you are in a heated argument. A neutral time and place work best.

Have all of your paperwork at hand. You want to pull together bank statements, credit card statements, even your credit reports. This way you have all the pertinent information in front of you to have an intelligent conversation.

Prepare to put a plan together. Just discussing your situation with your spouse will not move you forward. Come to the table with solutions at hand. Be specific about how much you need to save, etc.
Compromise. Marriage is all about compromise. Don’t go into this with the intention of attacking the other person. Discuss areas you can both work on.

Set up “progress” meetings. You will want to set up follow up meetings to check your progress. They can be weekly or monthly. It is very encouraging to see yourselves taking steps and making progress in the right direction…together.

Don’t just make this meeting about money, make it personal. Bring your hopes, dreams and goals to the table to share with your spouse. This way, you can learn about and with each other. Talk about how money was handled in your home as a child. This can be important insight on both sides.

My husband and I did this a few months ago and it was an eye opening experience for both of us. Because of what I do for a living, I was always the one that paid the bills and handled all the money. This created stress on both sides, I was overwhelmed and he felt like he was in the dark. Now, we have a weekly meeting to pay the bills together. He is taking an active role in our financial lives and I don’t feel like I am carrying the burden on my shoulders alone. It has worked out great!

In that same initial meeting we set up some strict guidelines about how we wanted to handle money going forward. For example, no more credit card use…period. Or, we would like to save 10% of our income every month. People laugh at me when I tell them this, but we both signed and dated it. To us, it is an official legal document. Should we ever start to argue about money, we can pull out that piece of paper and refer back to it. What a nice foundation to have to refer back to when circumstances present themselves.