Last week I was at a networking event and I saw something that literally floored me. They have a raffle at the end of the event where if your card is picked, you can come up and select a gift that one of the attendees has provided. Some examples are books they have written or tickets to a workshop. That is when it was heald up. I believe it was a book, or something to that effect. I just remember reading the words, “It’s Not Your Fault”. The woman who had brought it talked about how it shares with people how your weight is not your fault. How we all have different genetic makeups and that is what determines our weight.

WHAT?! Did you really just say that?

Okay, I understand (to some degree) that there are outside forces that impact our lives, I get that. I understand that some people have a genetic makeup that predisposes them to being overweight or thin. But, to make a blanket statement like that just completely upset me. Take the financial world for example. There are a lot of people out there in financial ruin blaming everyone but themselves for what has happened to them.

News flash: The blame game is not going to get anyone anywhere!

People, please stop blaming everyone else for your situation. When something tragic happens in your life like a foreclosure or a bankruptcy, don’t point your finger at anyone but yourself. Not to blame yourself, but to look inside and try to figure out what happened. See what you can learn from your mistakes and others and move forward with the intention that it will not happen again.

Trust me, I have made my fair share of bad decisions and mistakes in my life. There were times that I resisted owning the situation, but as I matured I realized the impact taking responsibility for my actions can have. It really is a very liberating experience. There were also times when it was completely out of my hands. At that point, we have to take responsibility for how we react to the situation. If we cannot take responsibility for our own actions, how can we move forward and grow as a person?

I know, everyone always says how we should be thankful for what we have. Unfortunately, in our society we tend to focus only on the negative (the media sure does not help with this). It might be a generational thing, it might be the media, or it might be in you. I think a lot of the parents of my generation are used to focusing on the negative. If you think about it, my grandparents grew up in the heart of the depression. That scarcity mentality was then passed on to my parents generation, which in turn was passed on to my generation.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I certainly do not want to pass this on to my children. Growing up I naturally focused on the negative that was happening in my life. However, when I look back at my childhood, I would always say things, like, “I wouldn’t want to live through it again, but it made me who I am today.” When you think about it, there was a little spark inside of me that knew I should focus on the positive that came out of any negative. Then, in 2006 I saw the movie, “The Secret”. That movie changed the lives of millions out there, including mine.

I have to admit, I don’t necessarily agree with everything in the movie, but it made me realize I had that spark inside of me. The last couple years have been difficult for just about everyone out there. Financially, this country is in a crisis. People are losing everything that they own. Last week I had the pleasure of seeing Yo Pal Hal Elrod speak at the South Placer Chapter of eWomenNetwork. Hal has written the book “Taking Life Head On”. It is all about how he was hit head on by a drunk driver on Highway 99 when he was 20 years old. He was actually dead for six minutes on the side of the road. But, he survived and he shared his story about how he decided to turn such a tragedy into something positive.

What an inspiration! Last week, I started to take stock of all the wonderful blessings I have in my life. Yes, things have been hard with the economy lately, but what if we stopped and looked at the lessons we were learning instead of all the negative things going on around us? Some people are addicted to watching the news. I used to be addicted to the news, but then I realized how depressed I was after watching it. Some people may think I choose to bury my head in the sand. That is fine, they can think that, but I know I am cautious about what I choose to let into my space.

Be careful with your thoughts. Be careful with what you let into your space. Start to be conscious about who and what you let into your world. Start focusing your energy on what you do have in this world. Be thankful for those beautiful children you have. Be thankful for the job you do have and the money that is coming in, no matter how much or how little it is.

Change your attitude, change your world.

As parents, we naturally have dreams for our children. That is part of being a parent. However, I am finding these days that too many parents are a little obsessive about their dreams for their children.

As many of you know, I have three boys, Derek is 8 years old, Nathan is 6 years old and Shawn is 4 years old. Derek has been in sports for almost three years now and Nathan has been in for a full year. We have experienced Soccer, Baseball and Football. I absolutely love sports for my boys. It keeps them active, it teaches them discipline, it helps them focus, just to name a few of the benefits. But, the number one reason my boys are there is because they want to and they themselves are extremely passionate about it.

Unfortunately there is a dark side to children’s sports. Any of you out there that have children in sports knows exactly what I am talking about. There are always those parents that take it to a whole new level. Last night I witnessed a mother trying to carry (physically forcing) her young son of six out onto the practice football field. After several minutes of this, the head coach went over and talked to them. This is not something that should be happening people! That little boy should not be on that field if he does not want to be, especially with football.

Don’t get me wrong, I am a no nonsense mom that does not take garbage from my children. I remember sending my 3 year old to swim lessons at the local pool crying and letting them work it out the first couple of sessions. I have also witnessed children crying at the first practice of baseball or soccer because they did not want to be there. I have seen some of those children quit and I have seen some completely turn things around and love the sport once they give it a chance. But, I have never seen someone physically try to drag their child on the field and force them to play.

Football is an extremely demanding sport and conditioning is certainly no picnic in the park. The thought of that poor boy being forced to go through something that grueling in 90 degree heat without even wanting to be there really breaks my heart.

The other thing I see out there is when the parent feels the need to force themselves on the coaches and the referrees/umpires. When, they are sitting and talking strategy at the first meeting when it is seven year olds playing soccer. When they are screaming at their children from the sidelines and completely humiliating them in front of their teammates. Childhood sports are supposed to be fun and educational for the children. Yes, they definitely get more competitive as they get older. But as a parent, aren’t we supposed to be there to encourage them and support them so they can develop the skills they will use the rest of their life in the real world and let the coaches take care of the discipline and coaching on the field?

I just felt like I had to say something for the little guys out there on the field giving it their all. You and I both know it means the world to them to be out there on that field. We both know all they want to do is play their heart out and make you and their coaches happy and proud. How about we change our way of thinking and let them play the game while we cheer them on from the sidelines?

As I have mentioned before, due to circumstances beyond my control as a child, I grew up very quickly. I am not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. I did what I had to do to help my family at the time. It was the right thing to do, at the time. However, I became very serious. I never really let my hair down. Every now and again, you would see me start to, but you would almost as quickly see me pull it back together and put on my big girl persona.

I am a woman with a lot of responsibilities, as most grown ups are. I have a wonderful husband I support in any way I can. I have three beautiful baby boys ranging in age from 4 to 8 years old. I have my own business I run with one fantastic employee. And I help support my husband’s business he has. Not to mention our financial commitments, which I will not bore you with. Needless to say, a lot on my plate.

Naturally, I have figured since I was a big girl with big responsibilities I really should not waste my time having too much fun. I always felt like that was a waste of precious time. Wasn’t there laundry to do or dishes to wash or children to pick up? Over the years I have found little things that would take my mind off of it all, but nothing really made me feel like a little girl again. I have had my fair share of nights at the club dancing the night away, but I am not really a late night person. I have had my fair share of adult beverages now and again, but alcohol does not sit well with my body and no matter how much (or how little as the case may be) I had to drink the night before, I felt icky the next day.

I am here to tell you I have found my new drug! When we were up in Shasta a couple of weeks ago, I got a small taste of how much fun jet ski’s were. But, I have to admit, I was very nervous and cautious. Well, I really let my hair down on Monday. I took my 4 year old out and he wouldn’t let me go over 8 mph. Then, I took my 6 year old out and he wouldn’t let me go over 20 mph. So, Mama took him back to shore with daddy and said, “I am going out by myself!”

I headed out past the 5 mph buoy’s and hit the accelerator. It was very choppy out there because of all the people, but I was loving it. I was skimming those waves! Talk about flying through the air with the greatest of ease! With the wind in my hair, the sun on my face and water on my glasses, I had no care in the world. Every time I would hit a wave and the water would splash in my face and get my hair all wet, I would giggle like a little girl. I was doing donuts and skimming the waves like I was an old pro, because I finally let loose. I felt like nothing could touch me out there. Not a care in the world. So, when I finally went back to shore, I felt much better prepared to deal with life’s daily challenges.

I will admit, when I woke up Tuesday morning, my body was a little sore. But, each time I felt the pain, I just smiled remembering my wonderful day out on Folsom Lake.

How will you let your hair down? What can you do to help release the tension and stress or your daily life?

Fear is a funny little thing isn’t it? Okay, so maybe it is not little. It creeps into your life without telling you and then before you know it, you are absolutely paralyzed by it. Not only that, but you can’t seem to figure out how to shake it, even if you want to.

Fears for me show up in many ways, there is the classic, I am deathly afraid of heights. I have absolutely no idea where that one came from. It’s not like my mom dangled me out of windows when I was a child or anything. Because I had a pretty mellow childhood, I never really did any daredevil things like my husband did. He went camping, boating and jetskiing. Okay, so those are not daredevil things, but they are to me. The thought of even getting my hair wet, makes my head spin. Don’t get me wrong, I learned how to swim as a child, actually I swim like a fish. But for some reason, I do not like putting my face in water, especially lake water.

I can see fear creeping into my children as well. Fear is good to some degree. I mean, it does keep you safe at times. If there is a very steep cliff with no railing, there is probably a good reason for having a little fear around walking up to the edge. However, when my boys are afraid of going on jetski’s and there is no good apparent reason, I have to step in. I explain to them, it is just like driving. It is dangerous to drive, but you have to be smart, careful and pay lots of attention to your surroundings. I make them go out with me and I go real slow so they realize it really can be fun and there is no reason to fear it as long as you are careful and smart.

For me, my fear was going on the tube off the back of the boat. The thought of ending up in the water made me sick, but I knew it was possible without really getting wet. My oldest son, Derek was very nervous as well, but I gently encouraged him to get on the tube with me. All while trying not to show him my fear, because I knew it was not rational. I watched my sister-in-law take out my middle son, her daughter and my nephew without any incidences of anyone getting too wet. So, I thought I had it in the bag, right?

Grandpa showed me how to get on the tube without getting in the water. They let out the rope and then started to accelerate. (Mind you, my husband and brother-in-law are close by on the jetski’s watching all this go down.) The rope becomes tight and starts to pull us, but something is wrong, it is pulling us under the water! Water is splashing in my face, I am sputtering away trying to figure out why it doesn’t look like when Vinnie took the kids out. Next thing I know, I am going head first into the freezing cold lake water! My legs and arms are flailing. I come up and can barely breathe the water is so cold.

I have to admit, my first instinct was to call it. I just wanted to get out of the water and sit, wrapped up in my towel on the warm boat and sulk. But when I looked up, I saw that Derek was (thankfully) still on the tube and looking at me. I knew that if I gave up, it would make it easier for him to give up. I knew I had to set the example. So, much to my chagrin, I climbed back up on the tube and told grandpa Mike to go for it. This time I pulled up on the tube as he accelerated. ;0)

Now, I have officially conquered my fear of the lake water, Derek had a blast and overcame his fear and we will both be doing it again.

How are you conquering your fears? Or, are you? Who is watching you and following your lead? Think about it…you might decide it is time for you to set a good example for others and conquer your fears too.

For the last eight years I have to admit I have been this wound up little stress ball that would never let her hair down long enough to have fun. (Check out the picture to the left from our little “spot” on the lake). Fun was just a waste of time. There were other more important things to do like dishes or laundry. My childhood was taken away from me at the relatively young age of eleven and I never really looked back. Because my dad became ill, I felt the need to become a responsible woman at that time to help take care of my dad and support my mom the best that I could. At the time, that really was what needed to happen.

Unfortunately for me, once my dad was healthy again, I never really let myself slip back into that young teenage role. I was already well into womanhood mentally and now it was my driving force to get my high school and college degrees, my license (to practice as a Certified Public Accountant) and start my own family. It just kept carrying through until now at the age of 34, my health is suffering and my inner child is screaming at me to come out and play.

Well, I definitely took care of a lot of that this past week. I have had an absolute blast jet skiing and boating with my boys. Horseshoes by the lake, solitaire at a picnic table, dice before bed, does it get any better? Not to mention, for a woman that does not like to get wet with water less than 90 degrees, I actually got my butt in the lake and went tubing off the back of Grandpa Mike’s boat with my oldest son, Derek. Since I had never done it before, I didn’t know to pull up on the tube when Grandpa took off, so I took a lovely swan dive head first into the water. I came up sputtering and really cold. But, I climbed right back on that tube and went for a cruise around the lake. More on that story in another newsletter.

I have had so much fun this week. We have had ten people (5 adults and 5 children) crammed into this little three room cottage (that is literal, three room, not three bedroom) for seven days. There has not been even the slightest hint of fighting or snarkiness. There is a lot to be said for leaving all the stresses of work and family life at home and just taking off for the lake. Not a care in the world out here in Mother Nature’s arms. You can bet I will not be waiting another eight years to do this again!

See you at the lake!!

Do you ever feel like everybody but you is running your life? Whether you are an entrepreneur like me or working for someone else, today I want you to stop and take stock of your life. I spent the first part of my career doing what I “should” do. I obtained my bachelor’s degree, I worked for a large accounting firm, I got my license as a CPA, was hired in industry as an accountant. I had the perfect life…the only problem was, once I had Derek it wasn’t the one for me. The first two years of Derek’s life were very difficult for me. I was so busy doing what everyone else thought I should do and inside I felt like I was dying. I had this perfect baby boy, a fabulous husband, a “great” job that paid well, but I was not a happy camper.

Once I realized I was living a life that really wasn’t cut out for me, I went ahead and started my own business. Trust me, I know it is not nearly as simple as I have made it sound. It has been a long, tough road as an entrepreneur, but I have loved every minute of it. However, I have also realized that I have spent an enormous amount of my time as an entrepreneur listening to people that I really should not have been. I found myself in the same trap, just in a little different way.

As an entrepreneur, we are told we have to have coaches and consultants, and we should listen to people who are doing better than us. You will get advice like you would not believe. I spent the first few years of having my business doing what everyone else thought I should do, whether I liked the idea or not. This turned into me running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Once again, I was doing what I “should” do and I found most of the time I would end up chasing my tail.

Now, don’t get me wrong, having mentors and coaches is a good idea for everyone, whether you are in business for yourself or working for someone else. Just make sure you check with yourself before you change things too much. I have had mentors and coaches that have given me good advice and bad. I have followed both and had to redirect once I realized something was not working for me. That is how we learn and grow. One of the biggest lessons I have learned recently is to always do a gut check before I make any major decisions with regard to my life.

I am totally over blindly listening to someone. The most important asset I have in my reach is my heart and my intuition. Don’t just do what someone tells you to do because it has brought them success. Only do it if it feels right to you. We are not all climbing the same ladder to success, there are plenty of ladders for us all. Find the one that is right for you…

Natural beauty is all around

Almost everywhere you look

Time to let all the stresses of my life go

Under these beautiful tree’s

Relax and let the sun melt away my problems

Easy as can be

Safe from all the worries that have plagued me

Fast and furious they go

Under Mother Nature’s care

Replaced with peace and serenity

You’ll never know it was there

Some of you may know my story, some of you may not. I am really not bashful about sharing it because I want people to learn from my mistakes. I recently realized that I want to share with all of you the same things I want to share with my three boys. If I can teach you something before it happens, I will save you from the same pain and frustration I went through. For a year and a half now, I have been driving around a really cute little Camry. Yes, I have had three boys and three car seats squeezed into the back of this little Toyota Camry for the last 20 months. Although I love this car, it has not really been a cup of tea. Let me go back and explain a Cliff Notes version of my story.

In June of 2004, I had a little Honda Accord very similar to my Camry in the picture. I gave birth to my second son that same month. I quickly realized (like on the way home from the hospital) that a 2 year old and a newborn with a rear facing car seat do not fit well in a Honda Accord. My husband and I went out and purchased a used Ford Expedition. While it served us well in size for three years, being raised with Honda’s I was disappointed in the repairs I had to perform in those three years with such low miles on the Ford. In August of 2007 I had had it with the Ford and its repair costs so I went and bought a fully loaded 2007 Toyota Sequoia Limited brand new…for $55,000. What was I thinking? Don’t ask me because I don’t know. I went home so excited that night. However, the proof is in the pudding (as they say). I was up all night that night, sick to my stomach trying to figure out how I was going to pay the $726 a month car payments for the next five years.

Long story short, this was the same time the gas prices decided to jump up over $4 per gallon. I was spending about $1,000 per month on my car alone. Holy cow! I started to panic in August of 2008, the economy was starting to go down and my husband’s electrical work was starting to slow down significantly. I called my friend who is an auto broker and she found me this beautiful Toyota Camry for a great price…but it was still brand new. I was $7,000 upside down in my Sequoia and I had to fully finance the Camry. My kids barely fit in the back seat, but I had to make it work because we were going to sink if we kept the Sequoia. So, I have been driving around this cute, sporty and fun Camry for the last 20 months. However, when my children were in the car, I was pulling my hair out.

“Mom, Shawn keeps looking at me!”

“Mom, Nathan is touching me!”

“Mom, Derek is punching me!”

“Mom, he is breathing in my space!”

I just couldn’t take it any more! For the safety of my children and my sanity my husband and I started to look around for USED full size SUV’s. My instinct is to make a decision and make it happen…quickly. However, when I mentioned this to Lindsay, my Tax and Accounting Manager, she advised me her Dad was an auto broker and did this for a living. Between her and her dad, they gave me some insanely good advice on buying a car. Here are some of the nuggets of information that saved me these last couple of weeks.

1. Patience, Patience, Patience – Wait for the right car to come to you. Take your time, there is absolutely no need to rush this. You are going to be driving this car for years. Be patient and everything will fall into place.
2. Do your homework – Look around on the internet, go to Carmax, look at other dealers for exactly what you want. Test drive all of the cars you are even considering purchasing. Find out everything you can about the different cars, resale value, maintenance and repair records, Carfax reports, Consumer Reports. This is one of the largest buying decisions you will be making throughout your life, don’t take it lightly.
3. Buy used over new – I have always purchased new cars (except for the Expedition), but honestly, I have learned that it makes a lot more sense to buy something used. You lose an enormous amount of value the moment you drive off the lot with a new car. Even if it has 10,000 miles, you can get a screaming deal with a used car and you won’t take such a hit driving off the lot.
4. Know your price point – Figure out what your budget is and don’t let someone persuade you to go over that. You have to stand firm. On the other side, don’t set it too low and then jump all over the place. Do your homework up front and stick to it.
5. Start looking when you feel the urge, don’t wait for it to be urgent - I clearly waited too long to start looking for a new car. I was so anxious about it I was tearing my self up every time I got in the car with my boys. Once you start to feel the need for a new car, start your search with patience and clarity.

I ended up getting a great deal on a used 2007 Toyota Sequoia this weekend. Half the price of the last one with almost the same options. This was the picture I took of my little Camry before we left for the dealership. I was sad to see her go. She was a beautiful and fun car to drive, just not with three little boys in the back seat. :0)

Passion…Do you have it in your life? What is passion to you? Do you want more of it in your life? Are you wondering how you would go about doing that?

Passion is a funny thing that people seem to misunderstand. So many people go through life without keeping it in the forefront of their reality. They may experience it for a fleeting moment, but they let it go and are okay with letting it slip through their fingers.

Think about it, do you remember when you met your current love interest (spouse, girl/boyfriend)? The fire that lit inside of you every time you saw them, the feeling you had when your hands touched…I am sure that life has taken away at least some of that emotion and fire. Life tends to do that. People tend to live their life unconciously. They just go through the motions, with their spouse, with their children, with their careers. Ask yourself this question…Are you really living the life you want to live or are you just going through the motions because it is what you “should” be doing? What would happen if you infused a little passion into your life?

Take my five year old son, Nathan, for example. He is a little bundle of energy (as most five year old boys are). Sometimes he is a little hard to handle with all that energy pent up inside of him. However, we have started baseball with him this year. He LOVES baseball! He has been watching his brother play for two years now and he has been chomping at the bit to get out there himself. Now, it is his turn. It is like something clicked and the fire ignited inside of him. Most five year olds have a very difficult time focusing out there on the field. However, Nathan has had the fire of passion ignited inside of him. He is like an animal out there! I have never seen him so focused and he always seems to know exactly what to do. All of his skill sets are being used to the best of their capacity and he is completely in his element. It blew me away to see this transformation.

What about your life? What would happen if you ignited the fire of passion? In your relationships? In your career? In your dreams? Do you feel lost and like a little bundle of energy that doesn’t know what to do or where to go? What if you took some time to figure out what your passion was and started to focus some of your energy there. How would your life change?

Think about it…